今天早上下了雨。 有风。911路公车的电视上， 播放着春运的火车站的繁忙。 从公车站到办公室的路上， 感觉有点凉。
一早起床， 妈妈就问我， 你看双双共赢好不好， 还有， 你看， 世界潮好不好。 我乐了， 昨晚我让爸妈帮我寻思怎么给我的新年贺卡对个下联。 她就一晚上没睡好， 翻来覆去地想，想出来还半夜告诉爸爸。 这个妈妈， 原来真是她女儿的妈妈， 和我一样， 心里盛不住事儿的。
办公室里很安静。邮箱里没有邮件。 要做的事情， 就是把贺卡做好， 发出去，就可以回家办年货了。今天腊月二十八了哪。
I packed a lunch box for myself tonight. Just leftover from dinner, nothing special, only that I haven’t done it for a long time.
I also found a new old book to read. A new old book is a book that I had started reading before but did not finish, so part of the book is still new. I have many new old books, today I picked out “the sound and the fury” by William Faulkner.
O is sound asleep. He had gotten into the habit of getting up in the middle of the night and come to the big bed to visit for a couple months now. He didn’t do it last night. Maybe because he was exhausted from the weekend trip to Nanjin. He climbed up some 300 stairs in Zhongshan Ling to visit Grandpa Sun. That is pretty good for a two year old. There are totally 392 stairs, he refused to climb the last strentch of some 40 steps - not that he ran out of fume, only that he doesn’t want to anymore.
I wonder whether he’d get up tonight.
The other day I asked him, “巧克力的英文是什么？”(What’s English for Chocolate?”
“Happy!” he said.
He likes chocolate.
A lot of time life seems a big taggle of worry to me. It starts from the basic mandane subject of clothes, food, job, house, transportation, to the higher-level subject in persistant pursuit of a true identity and eternal happiness. After I got a husband, such worries are doubled. After we got a baby, such worries are octopouled. For I have become a parent, and I worry about our parents, old now.
Outside my tiny world, the big world seems to have made itself a even bigger taggle of worries to itself. Everyday the headlines in New York Times are how many people died in Iraq. Sometimes, it is how many people died in Isreal. Sometimes in the other part of the world. There are worries on global warming and oil price, there are worries from the housing market, subprime credit market, medical insurance, drug safety, food safety, toy safety, divorce, scam… The local newspaper of course cover the 17th people’s representative meeting, but what people really enjoy are the “Nanny Kidnapped Baby!”, “Fire on top of the tallest building in Asia!”, “Paris embrassed herself, Again!”. People say all they want is happiness. But in reality, people seem to enjoy sufferings, others of course, but maybe even their own.
For me, worry have become a habit, something like brushing teeth in the morning. A subconscious things-to-worry list, aside from things-to-do list, have to be there in the back of my mind everyday. A few days ago, I suddenly noticed I was not worried about anything. I felt uneasy, I felt out of sorts about myself, as if I am not important enough, and I couldn’t find my self-worth.
This morning, I noticed D is shorter. Oh, poor D, he worked too hard and he has shrinked into an old man. I exclamed:” What did you do to yourself? Why are you shorter? My head used to be on your shoulder, why is it on your eye level now? ”
“You are wearing slippers, and I am not.”
I kicked off my slippers. He pulled me in front of him and we stood up straight, face to face.
My head is indeed still at his shoulder level, my forehead the same level as his lips.
He took the opportunity and kissed my forhead, “See, it has always been here. Always.”
I felt heat coming to my eyes, and I hear that poem in my ears: ”They say happiness is not fair, I don’t dare…”
进了里弄， 惊喜地看到妈妈和小园推着宝宝从公园回来。 他们走到弄堂口，在院门前停下，妈妈去上台阶，开了门， 再回身，下台阶，弯腰， 抬了童车前底部的横杆，保持弯腰的姿势，上台阶，和小园一起把宝宝连车抬过两级台阶，进了大院门。
妈妈回身关门的时候， 我突然看到了妈妈。