So I’m walking down the street on the way to my bus stop a week or two ago, minding my own business and hurrying because I am late, as usual. Suddenly a length of thick rope appears around my ankles - I stop and look around, startled, and realize that the rope has come from above; a window washer has thrown it from the four or five story facade, aiming for his confederate just behind me, but through carelessness has almost hit me instead. At the same time I notice that the rope has a weight or hook at the end of it and that it would have clocked me but good, and this point I’m pretty mad. My rage is further fuelled by the fact that the guy’s partner on the ground, far from being appalled and apologetic, seems pretty nonchalant. “Goddamn!”* I swear in Chinese. “You almost killed me! You should be more careful!” I’m pretty sure I did not get this completely right. The guy laughs “No problem,”** amused at the foreigner sputtering, trying vainly to say something that will hit home and make him mad, too. I’m not the kind of guy who looks for fights, but at this point I take a step towards him: “You think this is funny?” He relents and gives me a completely insincere “sorry.”

At this point I realize I am screwed. There is nothing I can say which will not make me look stupider and further embellish the story he will tell to his mates later about the foreigner who got mad at him. I simply spin on my heel and walk away.

The moral is that you can’t swear in a foreign language, or at least you have to be damn good (so to speak.) I knew this before from having foreign friends who liked to incorporate English swear words into their patois, invariably getting the use, tone and/or spirit wrong and making themselves sound ridiculous. I think particularly of a Chinese friend who likes to say “Jeeeeeeeezus,” much too often. You’re much better off sticking to the facts and making your opinion clear from your tone of voice and body language.

*As near as I can make it.

**Can be one of the most infuriating phrases in Chinese, used as here to indicate that whatever objection you have raised is minor and unimportant. We heard it a lot during the house renovation.